Jump to content
Ausman

Today's lighthearted relief...add yours as necessary.

Recommended Posts

Sadly not my joke.......

My wife asked me why I was whispering in the house.

"Because Mark Zuckerberg's listening," I whispered.

She laughed. 

Alexa laughed.

Siri laughed.    

🙈

cheers, Aus

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

...... And everything I talk about magically appears in advertising.

.......And more and more often it hunts for me in my smartphone ... ...

However, the main advantage is that we can think in whispers and say only what we want ... Zuckerberg must still work on this ...  :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
11 hours ago, kratmel said:

...... And everything I talk about magically appears in advertising.

My wife tells me this from time to time, she'll be talking to someone about some not-to-common subject, next day there will be references to that subject on her phone.

this I why I avoid all the "smart" things my phone can do... I text, take pics, use the calculator, oh and sometimes talk.... I avoid IoT also....:huh:

 

Also, not my joke.....

My wife got her eyebrows painted on

I told her they were too high

she looked surprised

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Twitter asks what I'm doing.

Facebook asks what I'm thinking.

Google asks where I am.

The internet has turned into my mother.     🕵️‍♀️ 

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Ever since it started raining, all my wife has done is look through the window.

If it gets any worse, I'll have to let her in.

...ouch!     🙂 🤛 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I hate to interrupt, because you're on a roll, but how about this:

Wedding vows for the bride should include: "Do you promise to always help him find his stuff that is right in front of him?"

Because you will be doing that forever!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Flex, my biggest issue is I'll be in transit in the workshop or home doing something, and attending to a distraction will make me put the component down.  After finishing dealing with the distraction, and the other 5 that happened during the initial one, can I find the carefully placed component?  Nup! 

My wife and I constantly use the excuse of Ross River Fever as the cause of this.  It's one of it's symptoms....you can't recognise something in plain view.  So you can now start using it too!

cheers, Au  

ohh oh, the phone's ringing.....  where did I put that s?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My grandfather sometimes couldn't find the tool and asked my grandmother about it.
She replied: You need to write down on a piece of paper where you put the tool!
Grandpa's answer: I wrote this, but I also can't find this piece of paper!

11 hours ago, Ausman said:

Ross River Fever

This is probably the cause of this phenomenon  🤣

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My Dad often walked into a room and completely forget why he went in there.

Great Dad, rubbish firefighter.

cheers, Aus

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Surprisingly, people of about the same age in different parts of the world show the same habits and behavior.

10 minutes ago, Ausman said:

....completely forget why he went in there.

The same was demonstrated by my grandmother when she came to us after overcoming more than 2 km.

However, she always thought of the reason why she came.

One of these reasons is special to me. She said: I came to you because you will take me home by car. 🚗

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I was with my mate in his new environmentally friendly car when I heard a squeak coming from behind the dashboard.

“What’s that?" I asked. "It doesn’t sound right".

“That’s Martina, my rodent directional device" he proudly said. "It squeaks once for left, twice for right and three times when you've arrived. It's incredibly accurate."

I asked "And what's with the huge box of strawberry meringue on the back seat?”

“That's what it eats. Martina Nav Rats Pavlova".

Don't ask where I get these from, there's lots more.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
8 hours ago, Ausman said:

 

“That's what it eats. Martina Nav Rats Pavlova".

 

Don't ask where I get these from, there's lots more.

Language pun: "Navrat" is Slavic word for Returning (home).

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

That's excellent, Kratmel! 

Ahhh..... the good old days where you'd get to the last W95 disc and it was corrupted! 

Remember DOS all on one?   🥳

Cheers, Aus

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
4 hours ago, Ausman said:

Remember DOS all on one?

Yes, i still use it  and it help to make some $$$.  :)

My favorite - German version MS DOS 5.0 - 1990 year. - so many machine installation with this version. 

I have "black box" with FDD, FFD emulator, USB-FDD, some ISA cards and my oldest PC -486 inside - to make some homework with it.

This is my oldest disk. But i do not have FDD for this super large disk. If someone know where is possible to find - i ready to pay some $. :)

It came with old CNC.

IMG_20190311_133602.thumb.jpg.26c5d700eac7b7f97d553766b95ec1bf.jpg

 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Very cute and looks like you have detailed it beautifully.

A bit hard to show them, but the oldest things I have are gizmos that use cassette tapes as storage.

Soooo much more advanced than silly old punched tapes!  🧻        And so easy to get a complete stuff-up.    ☹️

cheers, Aus

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

The OPSHACOM rule explained as:

Nice big new black Italian leather jacket   :)

  • OP (OPinion) —  lovely, excellent
  • SH (SHape) — big, round
  • A (Age) — young, ancient
  • C (Colour) — yellow, blue
  • O (Origin) — British, Chinese
  • M (Material) — steel, liquid

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I had some delicious honey on my toast this morning.

Later, as I walked past the hive where it came from, I said “Thank you bees for making the best honey in the world!”

One shouted back “lt's good, but I wouldn't say it's the best in the world".

Must have been a humblebee.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


×
×
  • Create New...