Today's lighthearted relief...add yours as necessary.

[Ausman]

I'm not normally one to laugh at other's misfortunes, (and I never tell fibs) but this one did make me slapstick chuckle every time I saw it.

Wait for it.

[Joe Tauser]

😄

He obviously didn't see the Pole Warning Cone put there for his protection.

Joe T.

[Ausman]

On 9/6/2020 at 11:15 AM, Joe Tauser said:

didn't see the Pole Warning Cone

Yep, same as those people who don't see the big sign in Fire Engine Red that says "Do Not Turn This OFF Under Any Circumstances", which is above/over/in front of  that crucial switch that we all have found in the wrong position in our work travels.    🚫 🔌

cheers, Aus

[Ausman]

[Ausman]

I have mentioned this site privately to others on the forum, but perhaps in these times everyone here deserves to take some time out, and have a laugh in finding all the weird and funny things us Aussies say.

http://www.wanowandthen.com/slang.html

[John_R]

French Fries were not originally cooked in France...

Oddly enough, they were cooked in Greece....

🤔

[Ausman]

[Flex727]

UGH!

[Ausman]

A number of lawyers were sitting around the office playing poker.

"I win!" said Harold.

George threw down his cards.  "That's it, I've had it with your cheating, Harold!"

Roger chimed in with  "That's a terrible accusation George.  What evidence have you got to support that slanderous claim?"

"Because they're not the cards I dealt him!"   🤑

[Ausman]

[Flex727]

For my Aussie buddy:

[Ausman]

I wonder how he goes when he's only surrounded by Sawgrass?  🔪  🥺 

[Flex727]

8 hours ago, Ausman said:

I wonder how he goes when he's only surrounded by Sawgrass?

Ouch!

[Ausman]

I have a pencil that used to be owned by Shakespeare, but he chewed it a lot whilst pondering his next saga.

I can't tell if it's 2B or not 2B.

 

[John_R]

I heard that children born 9 months from now will be called;

"The Children of the Quarn"

 

[Ausman]

[Isakovic]

People are shocked when they find out what a terrible electrician I am.

[John_R]

The fattest Knight at King Arthur's Round Table was Sir Cumference,

He acquired his size from too much Pi....

 

 

Two Hydrogen atoms meet.  One says, "I've lost my Electron."

The other says, "Are you sure?"

The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive."

[Ausman]

I think that perhaps my local mower shop is still building their website!

cheers, Aus

[John_R]

A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons.

The Stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger".....

 

 

There was a person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh.

No pun in ten did.....

[John_R]

Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway.

One hat said to the other;

"You stay here, I'll go on a head"

 

 

I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger, then it hit me.....

[John_R]

A woman is visiting her husband who is in prison.

As she is leaving, she tells the prison guard;

"You need to stop working my husband so hard, he is exhausted"

The prison guard laughed and said;

"Ha, your husband does nothing but eat, sleep and stay in his cell"

The wife says;

"Well that's odd, he tells me he's been digging a tunnel for months...."

[Ausman]

[Ausman]

There's a fine line between a numerator and a denominator joke.

Unfortunately, only a fraction of you will find it funny.  

 

[Ausman]

I purchased an elephant for my friend to put in his room.

He said, "Thanks, that's great!"

I replied, "Don't mention it."