Today's lighthearted relief...add yours as necessary.

[Ausman]

Sadly not my joke.......

My wife asked me why I was whispering in the house.

"Because Mark Zuckerberg's listening," I whispered.

She laughed. 

Alexa laughed.

Siri laughed.    

🙈

cheers, Aus

[kratmel]

...... And everything I talk about magically appears in advertising.

.......And more and more often it hunts for me in my smartphone ... ...

However, the main advantage is that we can think in whispers and say only what we want ... Zuckerberg must still work on this ...  :)

[John_R]

11 hours ago, kratmel said:

...... And everything I talk about magically appears in advertising.

My wife tells me this from time to time, she'll be talking to someone about some not-to-common subject, next day there will be references to that subject on her phone.

this I why I avoid all the "smart" things my phone can do... I text, take pics, use the calculator, oh and sometimes talk.... I avoid IoT also....

 

Also, not my joke.....

My wife got her eyebrows painted on

I told her they were too high

she looked surprised

[Ausman]

Twitter asks what I'm doing.

Facebook asks what I'm thinking.

Google asks where I am.

The internet has turned into my mother.     🕵️‍♀️ 

[Ausman]

Did you know ants never get sick?

It's because they all have little anty bodies.

 

[Ausman]

Ever since it started raining, all my wife has done is look through the window.

If it gets any worse, I'll have to let her in.

...ouch!     🙂 🤛 

[Flex727]

I hate to interrupt, because you're on a roll, but how about this:

Wedding vows for the bride should include: "Do you promise to always help him find his stuff that is right in front of him?"

Because you will be doing that forever!

[Ausman]

Flex, my biggest issue is I'll be in transit in the workshop or home doing something, and attending to a distraction will make me put the component down.  After finishing dealing with the distraction, and the other 5 that happened during the initial one, can I find the carefully placed component?  Nup! 

My wife and I constantly use the excuse of Ross River Fever as the cause of this.  It's one of it's symptoms....you can't recognise something in plain view.  So you can now start using it too!

cheers, Au  

ohh oh, the phone's ringing.....  where did I put that s?

[kratmel]

My grandfather sometimes couldn't find the tool and asked my grandmother about it.
She replied: You need to write down on a piece of paper where you put the tool!
Grandpa's answer: I wrote this, but I also can't find this piece of paper!

11 hours ago, Ausman said:

Ross River Fever

This is probably the cause of this phenomenon  🤣

[Ausman]

My Dad often walked into a room and completely forget why he went in there.

Great Dad, rubbish firefighter.

cheers, Aus

[kratmel]

Surprisingly, people of about the same age in different parts of the world show the same habits and behavior.

10 minutes ago, Ausman said:

....completely forget why he went in there.

The same was demonstrated by my grandmother when she came to us after overcoming more than 2 km.

However, she always thought of the reason why she came.

One of these reasons is special to me. She said: I came to you because you will take me home by car. 🚗

[Ausman]

[Ausman]

[Ausman]

I was with my mate in his new environmentally friendly car when I heard a squeak coming from behind the dashboard.

“What’s that?" I asked. "It doesn’t sound right".

“That’s Martina, my rodent directional device" he proudly said. "It squeaks once for left, twice for right and three times when you've arrived. It's incredibly accurate."

I asked "And what's with the huge box of strawberry meringue on the back seat?”

“That's what it eats. Martina Nav Rats Pavlova".

Don't ask where I get these from, there's lots more.

[stembera]

8 hours ago, Ausman said:

 

“That's what it eats. Martina Nav Rats Pavlova".

 

Don't ask where I get these from, there's lots more.

Language pun: "Navrat" is Slavic word for Returning (home).

[Ausman]

Michal, that's today's laugh in itself!

cheers, Aus

[kratmel]

[Ausman]

That's excellent, Kratmel! 

Ahhh..... the good old days where you'd get to the last W95 disc and it was corrupted! 

Remember DOS all on one?   🥳

Cheers, Aus

[kratmel]

4 hours ago, Ausman said:

Remember DOS all on one?

Yes, i still use it  and it help to make some $$$. 

My favorite - German version MS DOS 5.0 - 1990 year. - so many machine installation with this version. 

I have "black box" with FDD, FFD emulator, USB-FDD, some ISA cards and my oldest PC -486 inside - to make some homework with it.

This is my oldest disk. But i do not have FDD for this super large disk. If someone know where is possible to find - i ready to pay some $.

It came with old CNC.

 

[kratmel]

One rare device in my workshop. Still in use for punch tape read-in.... :)  :)  :)   and upload to.... FDD!!!

 

[Ausman]

Very cute and looks like you have detailed it beautifully.

A bit hard to show them, but the oldest things I have are gizmos that use cassette tapes as storage.

Soooo much more advanced than silly old punched tapes!  🧻        And so easy to get a complete stuff-up.    ☹️

cheers, Aus

[Ausman]

Ohhh yeah, another thing,

Can anyone suggest a way for me to remember what a mnemonic is?   

cheers, Aus

[kratmel]

The OPSHACOM rule explained as:

Nice big new black Italian leather jacket  

• OP (OPinion) —  lovely, excellent
• SH (SHape) — big, round
• A (Age) — young, ancient
• C (Colour) — yellow, blue
• O (Origin) — British, Chinese
• M (Material) — steel, liquid

[Ausman]

 I think most of you probably already know the first rule of the Assumption Club.

[Ausman]

I had some delicious honey on my toast this morning.

Later, as I walked past the hive where it came from, I said “Thank you bees for making the best honey in the world!”

One shouted back “lt's good, but I wouldn't say it's the best in the world".

Must have been a humblebee.